“What I wish I’d known about money and relationships”

Navigating financial matters is challenging, but it can be even more so in a relationship, where partners bring different values, opinions, and goals to the table. 

We speak to three South Africans about what they wish they had known about money and relationships ahead of time, and the lessons that can be drawn from their experiences. 

Tip: Debt can compromise family finances. Learn how debt consolidation can help.

Managing family expectations

For 38-year-old Cynthia Mazibuko, the pain point in her marriage is family expectations.

She and her husband work in finance and manage their money carefully. Cynthia comes from a small family; however, her husband’s family is large and seeks to interfere in their financial decisions. 

“My mother raised my brother and me on her own. She had no help from her family and worked two jobs to ensure we were clothed and fed, and that we finished higher education. We learned to depend on ourselves for our needs,” Mazibuko relates.

“My husband, on the other hand, has six brothers and sisters, and more than a dozen uncles and aunts. His grandparents on both sides of his family are the decision-makers – nothing is decided without consulting them.”

Mazibuko says her husband feels it’s his duty to “take care of the African village that raised him”, and his parents additionally question how the family’s hard-earned money is spent.

“They want to know why we can’t send our children to a local township school, and why we need two cars. They want me to give my car to my husband’s younger sister, who is struggling financially,” Mazibuko says.

This has led to some family arguments, although love and respect have ultimately won the day.

“I don’t have advice on negotiating such landmines, but my husband and I have learned to discuss everything and not bottle up our feelings,” she says.

“We’ve also set boundaries. There are some matters the extended family can’t have a say in – for example, our children will go to private school for as long as we can afford it.”

Living on a single income

Cameron de Villiers, 26, is looking for work as a physiotherapist. She got married in November last year and has been job hunting since January.

“We didn’t think much about our finances before we tied the knot. We had a whirlwind romance, we were married within six months, and we just assumed our budgeting would come together when I found a job,” she says.

“Unfortunately, finding work hadn’t been easy and I’ve had to rely on my husband’s income, which was never my intention. Some months, we’ve had to scratch around to meet our financial obligations.”

The couple decided to draw up a budget, and now consult their spreadsheet regularly.  

“Once we worked out what needed to be paid every month, we had to agree on expenses for food, toiletries, and even evenings out,” she says. “Going for dinner doesn’t happen as often as we’d like, but we’ve promised each other candlelit meals at home with our favourite foods.”

Her advice? Communicate! “Talk about your finances before you get married – and make contingency plans for unexpected circumstances. Had we done that, we wouldn’t have had a March from hell!” she relates.

Budgeting for a baby

Budgeting for a baby should start early, says 36-year-old content specialist Riaan Venter.

“My partner and I had always dreamt of being dads, but we hadn’t thought of a child as a financial decision,” he says.

“Food, clothes, family cars, nannies, daycare, paediatricians and other expenses make having a child a long-term commitment that will affect your finances for the rest of your life.”

The couple had to make financial sacrifices, with Riaan cutting back on time at work to actively raise their son.

“Fortunately, remote work is acceptable now, so I’m only in the office for 12 hours a week,” he says.

“I’ve had to forego many perks, though – and costs have accumulated as we didn’t realise things like formula, daycare, and nappies would be so expensive. We have one comfortable family car now, rather than two luxury ones.”

Riaan says it’s essential to discuss costs with your partner so you can plan for future expenses, such as education fees, extracurricular activities, and matric dance clothes.

“We have opened a savings account for our son and contribute to it every month,” he says. “It’s important to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to raising a child – and you can never have enough money. It’s helpful to have a rainy-day fund for hidden expenses.”

Tip: Saving helps to secure your child’s financial future. Find out more about savings products today.